Maine Owl

January Thaw

Stormy weather drove me here, drop anchor fast and hole up tight
In solitary harbor fill the cracks and mend the lines
To spend the long cold winter with the decks not rolling under me
My land legs aren't too steady but they'll strengthen given time.

So give me time, don't shine your sun so warm so full of fascination
Give me time, don't tempt me to go rushing off to sea
November snow lies on the ground, are you a January thaw
Come to promise springtime and deceive my fragile heart?

Each one offered sailing fine, I braved the challenge every time
Brisk winds filled my sails, a dazzling sun did warm my bones
But winter follows summer, now I'm needing time to be alone
Sheltered on the land for here it was that I was born

Part of me wants summer now, but part of me still knows
Time one spends in solitude is time one needs to grow
And winter months teach patience, harbor bound until the spring
And when the ice melts in my heart, I'll go once more to sea.

So till then give me time, then shine your sun so full of fascination
Give me time, then tempt me, I may sail with you to sea
But now the snow lies on the ground, please don't be just January thaw
Come to promise springtime and deceive my fragile heart

by Lui Collins
From the album "Baptism of Fire"
© 1980 Molly Gamblin Music/BMI

Lui Collins was one of the first local New England musicians I grew fond of. We'd go see her at the drop of a hat, as she appeared frequently in Maine during the early 1980s, now nearly thirty years hence. January Thaw is pretty close to my favorite of her songs.

This month I've played January Thaw many times. Perhaps I'm hoping for one here in Iowa. Definitely some Downeast longing has set in. The ice and snow have been oppressive as has been the space left when my Sweetie returned to Maine.

Winter is setting in

Back in the happy days of October, it was easy to tell my new employer sure, I'll take the job in Iowa, pack up, and drive a pickup truck 2,750 kilometers through the icy big hills of the Berkshires, the lake-effect snow corridor from Buffalo to Cleveland, and the prairie blizzards of I-90 west of Chicago. Yep, it was easy then to make a decision.

Now this thing is setting in. My Sweetie thinks I'm not at all nervous of even affected. Not true. I am nervous, worried, edgy, and fighting with an internal spectre of mortality. For Chrissakes, I'm going to be fifty-fucking-two pretty soon. Can I really do this and then settle in in time to teach everything from Earth Science to algebra and calculus-based physics, and a basic mechanical engineering course (Statics) that I'll have to cram pretty quickly to stay ahead of the students? I had a full year of electrical engineering at one point, so I suppose it's fair that I should pitch in where needed at a quite rural college. If not me, then who?

Is the spectre I'm trying to tamp down or at least deal with might be something like Robert M. Pirsig's Phaedrus from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance? For those who don't know, it's Pirsig's non-fiction account of travel, family, and engagement with the spooky internal unknown that lives within us in context of an academic career in the northwestern US and the experience of Quality through the mechanical perfection of a motorcycle. Albeit in my case it's my father-in-law's old pickup truck, not a motorcycle, family is wife not son, and career is science, not philosophy. Shoot, just go read it, or re-read it like I'm doing now.

Well, I'm not in the dark place Pirsig was working through in the book. I don't think, anyway. At least I haven't felt like I needed in-patient help with the looming pathway of time that lies ahead of us all. But there is a lesson. The lesson is we can go on, we can move, we can face our loved ones square-on with courage that our choices, decisions, good fortunes, and mistakes are handled the best that they can be.

Meanwhile, our friends are some of the greatest. Today, my old buddy Dave took some of the edge off the prep challenge, "Instead of blocks and planes, draw beams and walls. Nobody will know you didn't study mechanical engineering." LOL!!!! And another old friend in the Minneapolis area has offered bukoos furniture. Wow. This just feels so much better--so much easier to summon courage--with love like that. Thank you.

Nukewatch held a symposium, July 1979 in Madison, Wisconsin:


Cover of special July 1979 Nukewatch program issue of The Madison Press Connection. The Press Connection was an independent publication of striking newspaper workers, in print from 1978 to 1980.

I have written before in two places about a formative event from my youth. The set of memories it produced are still among those I draw on when confronting issues of war and peace and the realities of the nuclear era that have intersected my entire life. I wrote about this five years ago, HERE, and last spring on the thirtieth anniversary of the Three Mile Island nuclear partial meltdown, HERE.

Below I quote what I wrote previously about Nukewatch and Three Mile Island, plus I include first the lead newspaper story from the Nukewatch/Press Connection program issue from July 1979, something I found in a box just last week:

Why Nukewatch? Why now?

In March of this year, a remarkable series of events occurred that had the potential to dramatically alter the American public's perception of the nation's nuclear power and weapons programs.

The near meltdown of the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania made citizens in every corner of the country aware that nuclear power rests precariously on the brink of disaster. [continued below...]

Twenty-five years ago today, a man in Bangor was beaten, thrown off a bridge into Kenduskeag Stream, and left to drown because he was gay. The three teenage male perpetrators laughed as they drove away, according to their 17-year-old female companion. If that was not depraved indifference, I don't know what is.

The three received light juvenile sentences. I have no idea where they are now.

This was the year I was living in Clinton, Maine (about 50 miles down I-95). My job at the time was teaching high school science in the Waterville area. Thinking back, this was quite an important event with respect to my own thinking, as it was for a lot of people around here.

Afterward, two things happened with me. First, I became more vigilant in confronting the type of remarks my teenage students would make against gay people. I realized that the types of deep attitudes reflected in these remarks led to the tragedy on July 7. Second, I woke up to the fact that sexuality is political. That was not at all how I operated up to then. Sure, I knew people who participated in the University Wilde-Stein group, but I pretty much steered clear of the associated politics. Heck, I pretty much steered clear of gay culture entirely even though I've lived in big cities including Minneapolis and Chicago. That detachment and skittishness ended for me in 1984, as it did for a lot of people.

Not long after, I saw the astonishing documentary film, Before Stonewall. This film was made about the same time Charlie Howard died. (The 40th anniversary of the Stonewall riots passed just over a week ago, see below for video from two excellent broadcasts on the topic.) Suddenly I realized that I worked with many gay people. All anybody really wanted in work and social relationships was just to be treated the same as everyone else. I was done being skittish about seeing people of the same sex display affection, but I realized that there would be an awful lot of work to do.

Certainly things have changed a vast amount. Maine has a law signed by Governor Baldacci that makes same-sex marriage legal and recognized by the state, as it should be. But the sad truth is there will be a repeal fight over this great new law. The attitudes that led to Charlie Howard's death still exist in our community (look at a few of the comments under the BDN story). There is still an awful lot of work to do. Mosey on over to Equality Maine and help them every way you can. I am.

Let me just say that 2001: A Space Odyssey is the greatest film ever made, and TCM is my favorite cable channel.

Mystery clip

Neither the speaker in the audio clip below nor the author of this blog is the author of THIS BOOK.



I'm just sort of pondering all this. How do you feel today? If you want to, leave a comment. Also, if anyone requests the source of this clip, I will provide it in comments.